If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
