are you still at the devil's house?
420 ftw
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
