I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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