So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
