1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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