U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is classic penis vs brain.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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