i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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