Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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