am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
