so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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