Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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