my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
