ya dads aren't the best wingmen
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
