Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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