Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I did not marry a roomba.
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