Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
