awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
