I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
