i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
