i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
