doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
