She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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