You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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