Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
