you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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