the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
