Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
