Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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