I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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