you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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