Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
