I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
