i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
