man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Randomize
