Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
