They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
