They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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