Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
