dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
