Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
