Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
