Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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