listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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