omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
