Me. At least after what I've been through.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
