He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
