oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
