My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
