walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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