Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
