Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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