afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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