there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
