Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
