I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
