I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
