I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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