4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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