Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just invented taco cereal.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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