mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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