It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
