She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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