I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
