oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
